Since university ended, I’ve lost all my drive. The only thing I have any enthusiasm for is work. And that’s all I do. Work work work. It’s not a bad thing (and would be better if the tax office let me have any of the money from it). But I’m the Girl Of A Thousand Hobbies, and this isn’t like me.

I haven’t read a book for pleasure since university. I have a huge pile of them that I meant to read, that I want to read. But I look at them and go ‘meh’, and then I eat a chocolate bar and go on Facebook. I have lots of sewing, crochet, embroidery projects that are half done and I pick them up and go ‘meh’, and then go watch Big Brother (believe me, I judge me too). And I look at my empty neglected garden and go ‘meh’, and put the kettle on.

It’s not good and it’s not healthy and it makes my heart ache. But I’m just so tired. Does anyone else ever feel like this?

I’m trying to battle it, and remember who I am before university drained me of my love for all things creative and inspirational, starting now. And I am writing it down before I go ‘oh well, it’s the thought that counts’ and give up. So. Tonight I am sewing my graduation quilt, watching Gardener’s World, and letting Ferris sleep on my feet. Then I’ll watch Big Brother.

In the meantime, go read mine and Louise’s blog. She’s doing a sterling job this month and you should all go and tell her so. Once October starts it’ll be my turn as well, and then I’ll have no excuse.

Life is a bit hectic at the moment.

University is almost over. I’ve got a lot to do in not a lot of time. This blog is just an excuse for me to have a break from writing about M*A*S*H without wandering so far away from the computer that I stop working altogether.

I’ve been itching to leave university for months now. This last year has really taken its toll on my enthusiasm. I know that a large part of that is to do with my Mum being ill, and it got to the point where I was so mentally exhausted that I only had enough energy to put myself on first bus to Wolverhampton and hope that by the time I got there I’d have remembered what book we were supposed to be reading that week. How I got through Bleak House I’ll never know.

A part of it is to do with work though. Having a job has made me realise that working can actually be pretty awesome. I’m glad I didn’t actually become a useful member of society sooner though, as I doubt I would have wanted to go to university quite as much as I did. I’ve managed to time a job just right, although admittedly I’m still absolutely exhausted.

I start work at a second property very early tomorrow morning, and that alone is a tiring thought. This last week consisted of Mon: Uni, Tues: Work, Wed: Uni, Thurs: Work, Fri: Uni, Sat: Work, Sunday: THE MOST GLORIOUS DAY OFF. Of course, on my one day off I decided to start work on my garden and thus totally exhausted myself anyway.

But the thing is that I’m not physically tired. My body feels young, but my mind feels ancient. Like it’s full of smog, and I can’t quite summon motivation and enthusiasm. I’m the fittest I have been since I was about twelve.

Also, whilst we’re on the subject of fitness, my Mum tells me that I have to start writing down the silly things I say and think, because when I am Old I won’t remember how strange I am. So. My entire motivation for being fit? The reason I run up the very large staircase at work? The reason I walk Ferris for miles and miles? The reason I can’t go to sleep unless I have been out for at least one long walk a day?

One day, Doctor Who might come get me. If he does, I’ll be ready. And oh, will there be a lot of running.

Since I’m too tired to actually think of anything amusing to tell you, or even to go out and take photos specifically for this blog, have a look at some of my recent snaps. Some of them are very BROWN, because I’ve got a new iPhone app that takes retro style snapshots, and I’m not used to using a tiny viewfinder. That’s well old school. So I’ve been taking a lot of pictures to practice. The top picture is of the dinner service at a property I visited this weekend – I got to take my shoes off and walk around the table itself, *inside* the velvet ropes, because I am Special and Awesome. Oh yes.

I’m loving the forties hair at the moment. You can blame that on A Passionate Woman.

Back to the essay, I suppose. Ta-ra.

I love my job. I know that not many people get to say that, and that it certainly won’t be the case for ever.

But right now: I love my job.

It is exhausting. It causes physical pain from aching muscles, sometimes. I have a desk, which I share with dead insects. When I got there on Friday, I had a ‘present’ on my desk: a tiger-skin rug with big creepy black holes where the eyes used to be. It is so cold in the house that I’d be better off going and standing in the greenhouse. I have to wear two pairs of socks to stop my feet going numb. I might start using a pedometer to track how many miles I walk over that house every week – if I don’t have gorgeously toned legs by the end of this year, there is NO JUSTICE.

I really love it. I hope it stays this great for as long as possible, and I hope I continue to appreciate it too. The time will come when I get fed up with it, when I get too tired and it becomes too easy. But right now it is EVERYTHING that I worked for, for the last year and a half of my life. And it was worth it – I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Do you like my new headband, by the way? I’m loving it. I feel all Women’s Land Army in it, and it makes me look spookily like my great aunts.